The Mind

Hello!!! It has been a while. I lost my grandmother and haven't really been myself. She is really missed by many. Well, by now you may know that I only write when I have a firm idea in mind. So, when I lost my grandmother I thought I was going to be prepared for it because she was sick for a while. As a human, you are never prepared. Maybe if you are an alien cool lol but not human. Eventually, you will feel the loss. Any who, as an actor, I always over analyze how I react to certain things and how my emotions are affected. I realized for one, that no matter how much I mentally prepared for her death, I could not have been more unprepared. Not only that, I was tested big time. I could not go to the funeral due to finances. That was pretty bad. I told everyone I was cool but reality was I wanted to be there for my mother. I didn't need to be at the funeral but I did need to be there for my mom. The person that I am with at the moment went away to New York while this was all happening and I really felt so down by it. Luckily, GOD Is amazing. My awesome friend just so happened to be staying with me and visiting that week and he could not have been a better support system. Then, my roommate, which we had previously had a fall out, really came through as a supportive friend in many ways. Despite all of the support and love the mind tends to wander when it is overloaded with emotional stress. The thoughts that come through the mind about the people that are loving and supporting you just are overwhelming and overkill. You think the most outrageous things and doubt everything. I believe this is due to the human mind not being able to cope with death, no matter how much you prepare or say it is for the better. Death is one subject the mind can not comprehend and therefore wanders into negative thoughts. The mind tries to deal with it by creating things that it can comprehend but that are not good for you. I had all kinds of crazy thoughts about the dearest friends and family. You try to cope and don't realize you are killing everything around you. Thankfully, I am an actor lol and was able to realize my emotions were taking over my mind. I realized that through not being able to deal with death and loss, I created other things I could deal with. But, since I had nothing else to do deal with dramatically, my mind was searching for things to deal with and since there was nothing, my mind began getting juicy. I never voiced them to the people lol good because I would have been a fool. They say the mind is a powerful thing. It sure is. I was ready to begin a soap opera in my life that was unnecessary because my mind was playing tricks on me. Take control of your mind, the way I did. It is very difficult because even though it is your mind it really has a mind of its own and could end up controlling you. Get to know yourself so you can avoid all of the mind games your mind plays on you. Thankfully, I am doing good and have been able to release and cope. Also, I came to terms with my thoughts and mind and am feeling a lot better. Try to think of your thoughts and how you feel before you make any firm decisions. The mind is a tricky tricky little object... Don't get tricked... Tricks are for kids!!!

Always Peace N Love,

You know,

Janiece

Life

I have been wanting to write this one for over a week now. However, life, lol got me real busy. Busy is great for me though, I prefer it that way. Yet, not too busy where I can't write and create time for my loved ones. So there it is create; this will be the word of the evening and the blog. Most of us are raised being told life is about finding yourself. Well, thankfully I grew up with a mother that was constantly wanting to grow in all ways and that also rubbed off onto me. We found together, that life is actually about creating one self. We are not put here to treasure hunt and seek what is not there. I believe this is why most people are lost and tend to wander. I think we need to create what fits best and through the creation we find who we are. Stop looking and begin getting creative. Try everything, see what works and what doesn't. It is ok to explore and create something that you may have to toss. Painters, dancers, singers and all kinds of artist constantly create work that just doesn't work and they move onto something that will. Creating is a process of elimination and is not fail proof. You are going to have to toss some ideas. When you begin something, anything you learn will be through experience and really through creating something wrong. This wrong creation allows you to create something right because you know what will not work. I hope I haven't lost you. In case that I have, basically this process of creating one self is a long one. Feel free to throw out something you created which you did not like and start fresh. I am sure many acclaimed artist have done so. I am certain that they did not make their masterpiece the first try. Therefore, begin to create yourself to the point that you love what you have created and it is your masterpiece. Then you will know when you have found yourself.

Always Peace N Love,

You Know,

Janiece

Attachment to an idea...

When people say, or think rather, they are attached to something, it is really a facade. It can also be very detrimental if that is not realized. Personally, I have really detached myself of many things and people in the past year. I would think I was attached to my family and friends. I mean there are days I can't breathe, literally, from missing them but I catch my breath and move on. For those of you that don't know, I moved 9 months ago from Miami to Los Angeles. I moved to a city where I know pretty much no one. I felt the attachment to my dog and would cry on certain days because I left her back home. YES! I cried for my dog - Don't judge me! LOL I purchased my dream car and would go nuts if I had crashed or had to sell it. I have a great home to go to every night. I am very attached to my home because if my home were to fall apart or I couldn't afford it anymore, I wouldn't know what to do. I have been attached to material and emotional ideas in my life. Yet, it is all as meaningless as that last millionaire idea you did nothing with. We are not attached, we are comfortable and pleased with ideas. We can not be attached because it all could change in 1 day, let alone 1 hour. You can not prepare for the unexpected but you can definitely be ready. It is the idea that I can not live with out these things or people but I can and so can you! I have learned to live without my mother physically and at times emotionally. It has been the hardest thing I think I have ever had to learn. I know her love is there, always present and our bond is continually growing stronger. However, we are not attached to each other and know how to function just through our love that flows. To be honest, my life seems like it is all falling apart at times and the things I had thought I was attached to are really not important. I am not attached to dancing, I just love the art of dance and am grateful to be able to make a living through it. Although, God forbid, if my path were to change tomorrow and I would have to do something else to survive, I will be ok and dance in my living room on my own time. I am not attached to the idea of being a dancer, I just love to dance. My car is a material item I thought had an emotional attachment to. No again! I originally bought the car because it was my dream car since I was a child. It was also a special edition for the cure for cancer. For those of you who don't know, I lost my grandfather to cancer. He was the reason for my passion in cars. I grew up learning and loving cars. So, not only did I buy my dream car but it had meaning to it. It represented my grandfather and the cure for cancer. I was attached to the idea that the car somehow could keep my grandfather near me. Not at all!!! That car could go tomorrow and my grandfather's energy will be all around me and all of the memories are with me, not in the car! So, house, car, lover, mother, father, friend, job, life - Do not be attached! There is no such thing, you can survive, as sad as the thought may seem without all of that. Attachment is an idea in our head. Realize that its the love of all these ideas that keep them alive and dear to you. My love for my mother will never go away, no matter how far she is; my love for that car will never go away - if it goes, every time I see it in the street, I will orgasm. LOL Let's not be prude, it is a figure of speech. My love for my dear friends, is always there; my love for my lover is there, even if I do or do not receive back. My love for my job is amazing and I'm grateful. My love for the idea of my home and of how my life should be is there, I'm still surviving because I'm not attached and I know it will come. The answer is to love it all but not be attached to it. Let things change and flow, it is the only way you'll learn and grow.

P.S. Wrote this on paper yesterday afternoon. While driving home late last night I saw a gentlemen crash his car on the highway into the wall right before my eyes. If I were going just a bit faster, I would have been in that crash! Lets all pray for that man and know that life can change in an instant so loving your ideals is healthy but being attached could really ruin your life.

Love you all!

Always Peace N Love,
You Know,

Janiece