The Mind

Hello!!! It has been a while. I lost my grandmother and haven't really been myself. She is really missed by many. Well, by now you may know that I only write when I have a firm idea in mind. So, when I lost my grandmother I thought I was going to be prepared for it because she was sick for a while. As a human, you are never prepared. Maybe if you are an alien cool lol but not human. Eventually, you will feel the loss. Any who, as an actor, I always over analyze how I react to certain things and how my emotions are affected. I realized for one, that no matter how much I mentally prepared for her death, I could not have been more unprepared. Not only that, I was tested big time. I could not go to the funeral due to finances. That was pretty bad. I told everyone I was cool but reality was I wanted to be there for my mother. I didn't need to be at the funeral but I did need to be there for my mom. The person that I am with at the moment went away to New York while this was all happening and I really felt so down by it. Luckily, GOD Is amazing. My awesome friend just so happened to be staying with me and visiting that week and he could not have been a better support system. Then, my roommate, which we had previously had a fall out, really came through as a supportive friend in many ways. Despite all of the support and love the mind tends to wander when it is overloaded with emotional stress. The thoughts that come through the mind about the people that are loving and supporting you just are overwhelming and overkill. You think the most outrageous things and doubt everything. I believe this is due to the human mind not being able to cope with death, no matter how much you prepare or say it is for the better. Death is one subject the mind can not comprehend and therefore wanders into negative thoughts. The mind tries to deal with it by creating things that it can comprehend but that are not good for you. I had all kinds of crazy thoughts about the dearest friends and family. You try to cope and don't realize you are killing everything around you. Thankfully, I am an actor lol and was able to realize my emotions were taking over my mind. I realized that through not being able to deal with death and loss, I created other things I could deal with. But, since I had nothing else to do deal with dramatically, my mind was searching for things to deal with and since there was nothing, my mind began getting juicy. I never voiced them to the people lol good because I would have been a fool. They say the mind is a powerful thing. It sure is. I was ready to begin a soap opera in my life that was unnecessary because my mind was playing tricks on me. Take control of your mind, the way I did. It is very difficult because even though it is your mind it really has a mind of its own and could end up controlling you. Get to know yourself so you can avoid all of the mind games your mind plays on you. Thankfully, I am doing good and have been able to release and cope. Also, I came to terms with my thoughts and mind and am feeling a lot better. Try to think of your thoughts and how you feel before you make any firm decisions. The mind is a tricky tricky little object... Don't get tricked... Tricks are for kids!!!

Always Peace N Love,

You know,

Janiece